I drive down the road and there aren’t that many cars but its bad traffic. There are barriers all over. It’s so safe. I miss standing on the side of the road with the micros dodging in and out. Baja por favor! I come in at night and my feet aren’t dirty anymore. And the chicken I used to wake up to that I used to joke with Jose about doing away with well I don’t hear it anymore. When I sit on my bed its quiet. In my parents west little rock neighborhood and in my Baylor apartment there is no noise other than that of the air conditioning humming. Air conditioning. I have to remember to shut the door behind me now to save electricity. I miss the sound of the children laughing and playing—the creaks of the swings going back and forth, someone falling down and crying but getting back up again and laughing. But now—Silence. I miss the simplicity. I miss the pace—Always moving quickly yet never in a hurry. Here it seems that everyone is always in a hurry but moves so slow. I miss ‘Ana’. I miss walking up the stairs and looking down the hill to see Nay nay peering over the gate and Marisol on the bed. Ana Ana! Mira! Ana viene. And Teddy and the boys. Por qué siempre vas abajo? Ven Hana! Ven! I want to more now than ever. But I know that this is not my time. Now my time is here.
I have witnessed the hand of God at work there in miraculous ways—truly miraculous ways. I am still at a loss for words to be able to capture and describe it all. To even try to describe what I have witnessed in that place or in my own life in the last months would be in vain. However I can say that God broke my heart and I learned to love in ways I did not know were possible. Now, each day my love for the children and for orphans with special needs continues to grow stronger.
And if this is how much I love these kids… and how much I want to return… how much greater must our Father’s love be for us. How much more must Christ want to return—to hold us in His arms—to not only look on us from afar but for us to know fully just as we are fully known! Oh what love He must have for us. Thank you Lord for your love and for your mercy and your grace. Thank you for these precious children and the time I got to spend with them. I pray that they may comprehend how high and how wide and long and high and deep is your love for them.